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Like Me…But, You Know, a Guy

November 20, 2009

So, a few months ago while I was thinking about re-embarking into the dating world I made sure to think very carefully about what I was looking for this time. Obviously, I was assessing my situation so that I didn’t end up dumped and confused again (or even just dating someone tragic like the last guy…or someone lazy and useless like the guy before that).

The truth is, I relaxed a few of my personal guidelines to date the last guy. Divorced and with children have both been deal-breakers for me in the past. But I didn’t want to miss out on love because I was being too rigid. So I gave him a chance.

Well, maybe rigid was the way to go.

He was broken and arrogant, which I believe might have had direct correlations to his divorce and the fact that he had a child. He was sad because she kicked him out and he had a tendency to treat me like a child because…well because he had a child.

Anyway, for a long time I have known that I’m hoping to find my equal. But I never really followed that through to it’s logical end. I’m really looking for someone like me.

Well, like me, but…you know…a guy.

I figured this out because I was working on a list of the things I wanted in a man. It was stuff like, single (never married), no kids, a real job, college graduate, smart, funny, passionate, exciting, interesting, super-sexy…I could go on and on.

Now, that list seems pretty generic if you aren’t in my head knowing what each of those things means. Smart means, smart in the ways that I am smart. Funny means, I think he’s funny and he thinks I’m funny. Passionate means, passionate like I’m passionate and about some of the things I’m passionate about.

I even went so far as to include, blue eyes, has siblings, values family and his parents are married to each other. It seemed like a stretch…but they really are things I wanted in my partner. And if I were making a list describing myself these things would be on the list.

The more I thought about it the more I realized that I was hoping to find someone a lot like me. So, is that egotistical or does it just mean I like myself? Well, either way, it is my self-reflective observation of the day, and I thought I would share it.

How about you all? Are you looking for someone similar to you or do you think you need to find someone who is your opposite? You know, they do say that marriages work best if you have a lot in common.


5 Comments leave one →
  1. nathan nash permalink
    September 15, 2010 11:17 pm

    a wee bit narcissistic are we? I’m not sure someone like you would be your best match. You have such a strong personality that I think if you had someone like yourself you would fight…alot.


    • September 16, 2010 8:29 am

      “You keep using tha’ word. I do no’ thin’ it means wha’ you thin’ it means.”

      Oh sigh, I’m going to have to write a blog about what the word narcissism really means. And just because I like myself does not mean that I have some sort of crippling amount of self-love that will eventually lead to my demise.

      On your second point, I can see what you mean, but because I have a strong personality I feel that I need someone to match it. Otherwise I overpower the other person. I don’t want to be the boss and I don’t want a guy to just submit to me. Maybe he doesn’t have to be as boisterous as me. But I do think I need a man who has just as strong a personality as me.

      What do you think?


      • Nathan permalink
        September 17, 2010 1:03 pm

        Well, I’m not sure what movie you are quoting at the beginning of your response, but I’m fairly certain that your given understanding “crippling amount of self-love that will eventually lead to my demise” is, at best, a generalization and at worst, wrong. I have included a link on the subject for your reading pleasure:
        If you must write a blog about it, then you will prove my point. 🙂
        As to your wanting a man with a strong personality, in my experience, most people with strong personalities overpower with their words. If you truly want someone with the equivalent strength of personality then be prepared for lots of fights. That is all I’m saying. You can disagree with me if you like, but it is true!


        • September 17, 2010 1:56 pm

          Did I offend you somehow? Your comment is striking me as rather mean.

          The truth is, I don’t have a thorough psychological understanding of the word Narcissism as it applies to a psychological disorder, or personality type — I am not a psychologist. And I doubt that the average person (even the above-average ones who read my blog) has such an understanding either so I was using the word as it is defined in the dictionary. And I have looked it up in several dictionaries. I also know the story of Narcissus — so that was where I got the bit you quoted above.
          Furthermore, based on the dictionary entries I have read, being narcissistic in some vein isn’t necessarily a bad thing and some suggest that it is something ingrained in all of us that is unavoidable — and it certainly isn’t as bad a thing as the average American thinks it is (based on the way the word is used: often as an insult).

          I am hoping you didn’t mean it as an insult, but I have to admit it hurts my feelings that you would suggest I have a disorder both on my blog and based primarily on it — especially since we have actually spent time together.

          I do love myself. But it is only one aspect of my personality. There’s a lot to me.

          About the strength of my personality, you have never been in a fight with me and I doubt you have ever talked to anyone who has; the truth is, I’m a flight person. In case you were wondering. More truth: I have to work very hard to actually stand up for myself when I’m disagreeing with someone I love. I have been in several long-term abusive relationships and I’m working hard to break out of the victim mentality that allowed me to be controlled, manipulated and deeply harmed for many years.

          I also have to work very hard not to adopt the role of the abuser just to avoid being the victim.


        • September 17, 2010 1:59 pm

          Oh, and based on the little break down of narcissism detailed by the link above. I don’t think I qualify. But if it will make you feel better a can ask my counselor.


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