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Result of Date: No Sparks

July 23, 2010

Dating, it never ceases to amaze me how many men don’t know how to do this. I mean common human courtesy and some polite consideration of the other person should be enough to have an okay time on a date, right?

I guess guys nowadays don’t have courtesy or consideration in their repertoire. Which brings me to last night’s date.

I probably should have known things weren’t going to go well when, before the date the guy was trying to get me to hurry up and get to the restaurant an hour before we agreed to get there.

Then, a half an hour before we were supposed to meet, how was complaining about there being no place to park downtown because of the Summer Nights concert.

We had been planning on going to Bottichelli’s. Since he couldn’t handle downtown he suggested Olive Garden. I let him know that I didn’t have a way to get to Olive Garden and he offered to pick me up.

Of course this made me nervous because I didn’t know the guy. I didn’t particularly want him to know where I lived and I didn’t really want to get in a car with a stranger at the wheel.

But I figured if things start going to badly I can always jump out of the car even if it’s moving, and I have my cell phone so I can dial 911 if I have to. Besides, I had also already started walking so I didn’t have to tell him where I lived. I just stopped walking and told him to pick me up on the corner I was currently on.

And I must say, standing on a corner waiting for a man feels very strange.

He said he was on his way and that he was driving a red corvette. Really?

Yes, really. My friend Zack – who I bumped into while trying not to look like some sort of stranded street-walker – said, “Well someone wants to get laid tonight.” And I said, “Then someone is going on a date with the wrong girl.”

I can’t exactly articulate how I feel about going on a date with a guy who drives a 2002 red corvette, but something about it felt very cheesy and I couldn’t’ help but think that a man his age, with a car like that, must be compensating for something. Which, I realize is pretty judgmental.

I also couldn’t stop humming Prince while I waited for him: “Little red corvette…baby you’re much to fast…little red corvett…”

Anyway, he shows up, has to loop around to get me, I jump in the car and he starts talking. And it becomes very obvious to me why this guy is single.

Despite seeming very normal via e-mail this guy has some sort of social disorder. He talks too loud and too fast (even for me) and repeats himself a lot. Oh, he was also wearing too much cologne.


So I try to make the best of it. I figure we’re going to a great restaurant, I can make polite conversation, it will be fine.

Except we aren’t going to the Olive Garden. He had driven past it on his way to get me and decided there were too many people there. But there was no one at Chili’s. I found his desire to switch eateries to be odd, but consented. I can find something good to eat at Chili’s. Instead of spaghetti and meatballs I’ll do fajitas. Okay.

But we didn’t go to Chilli’s. He drove through the parking lot and didn’t even look for a spot because he felt the lot was too full. I made a comment about the place having a lot of seating and a small parking lot, but he didn’t stop. He also decided that Applebee’s across the way looked too full.

Then he asked if there was any place on Lacrosse I mentioned a few places, including Perkins and he said, “Let’s got there. It’s usually not too busy.”

Now I’m annoyed. I don’t want to eat Perkins on a first date. I don’t even want to eat Perkins unless it’s after the bar has closed or before 10 a.m. But we didn’t even make it to Perkins. He saw that the parking lot was empty at Schlotsky’s and pulled in there.

Wow, from Bottichelli’s to Schlotsky’s in a half an hour. This is going great.

The conversation was okay – although he went into an insane rant about voluntarism that made me think he might be kinda dumb—and the food was okay for…you know a sandwich.

But after about 10 minutes he was obviously uncomfortable. He could barely stay in his seat. I mean tapping his foot readjusting, rocking back and forth and side to side. And it wasn’t incessant – just enough to be off-putting. He mentioned that he gets antsy and I mentioned we go walk somewhere.

So he jumped up. Okay, I guess we’re going.

But we wound up going for a drive—a reckless one. I actually kept checking my seat belt. After a bit of driving and talking he cut me off mid-sentence and said he should get home. So, he dropped me off.

The whole thing took an hour and 22 minutes – and it wasn’t over fast enough. Looking back he was a nice enough guy, and it wasn’t the worst date I’ve been on. At least he was talkative and had his front teeth intact. But it wasn’t really a good one either. No sparks, whatsoever. I really hope he doesn’t ask me out again so that I don’t have to say no.

21 Comments leave one →
  1. duke1959 permalink
    July 23, 2010 2:16 pm

    Suggestion. Take a nice warm bath. Get your favorite book and tell that clown to never let his face see yours again!


  2. duke1959 permalink
    July 23, 2010 2:28 pm

    You deserve better than that. You set the criteria for your life and never expect anything less.


  3. July 23, 2010 2:35 pm

    Not that its an excuse but maybe some insight about the overcrowding of streets and parking lots. Speaking from the point of view of a daughter-in-law of a man who owns a 06 mustang….whenever Jeremy and I are lent the beautiful piece of machinery we ALWAYS park in what we refer to as the “pony corral” The furthest spots out in a parking lot where NO ONE else parks and we have to park taking up four spots. If you drive by an large parking lot you’ll find a “pony corral” I am sure.

    Not that it defends his unusual behavior in other respects BUT I do know that owners of “hot” cars are VERY protective and never park in full parking lots near ANYONE!!!! If I had those kind of car payments and insurance premiums I might be a little leery too.


    • July 23, 2010 2:52 pm

      I don’t think it was because of the car — I think he was just that impatient and twisted.


  4. Steve-O permalink
    July 23, 2010 2:48 pm

    Wow Crystal! You better get yourself a gun. That dude sounds freaking crazy.


  5. Kris permalink
    July 24, 2010 12:19 am

    This sounds much worse than what you laid out at work! I am so sorry that it was such a downer of a night..the restaurant thing would have p*ssed me off…don’t change stuff around like that!


  6. Daniel permalink
    July 30, 2010 4:18 pm

    Hi Crystal! Wow, you are definitely a brave woman! The key words being ‘no sparks’. Fast cars = fast hearts; beaters (as in cars) are sweeter. 😉


  7. Molly permalink
    August 1, 2010 12:29 pm

    OMG, I agree with Steve — being alone with this guy again would be the worst idea in the world. I’m glad you have decided never to see him again. He sounds like a total freak!


  8. neil m permalink
    August 11, 2010 4:19 am

    Great write up….very entertaining


  9. August 19, 2010 9:43 am

    Sounds like the guy might be hypomanic….


    • August 19, 2010 9:57 am

      I’m going to have to look that up.


      • August 19, 2010 9:59 am

        Yeah, look up hypomania. It’s an interesting condition….


        • August 19, 2010 10:01 am

          Main Entry: hy·po·ma·nia
          Pronunciation: \ˌhī-pə-ˈmā-nē-ə, -nyə\
          Function: noun
          Etymology: New Latin
          Date: 1882
          : a mild mania especially when part of bipolar disorder
          — hy·po·man·ic \-ˈma-nik\ adjective

          Sounds like a possibility. Too bad I don’t diagnose psychological disorders. Maybe I could have helped the fella out.


      • August 19, 2010 10:04 am


        I’ve met people who are hypomanic. I say it’s interesting because they can be unbelievably charismatic, but also incredibly overbearing after awhile. It takes a LOT of patience to deal with a hypomanic….

        For what it’s worth. 🙂


  10. aspiringtobesomeone permalink
    February 14, 2011 1:15 pm

    Pity both you and the guy.


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