It’s Official: I Quit!

See here in this letter where it says, "I quit." Sorry about that, but I just gotta go. I guess this is what happens when a gal doesn't get into grad school.

So, I guess really it has been official since the end of July when I went in to my boss’s office with my resignation letter and proposal for contract work. (That was a tense week I gotta say.) He was sad at first and he said he had kind of seen it coming, but he was really excited about the idea of me working for them on design projects on a contract basis.

And I have to say I am too.

But we had to keep things secret then, so even though it was technically done, it wasn’t completely official yet. Plus, he did try to offer me another job at the paper. Isn’t it sweet to know that your boss wants you around? Man I’m gonna miss him. He has totally been a mentor to me and I hope I’m as great at whatever job I’m doing when I’m his age as he is at his job. Plus, he’s a great guy, so it’s hard to see what he might be doing wrong cause his attitude and verve make up for it times ten!

Basically he agreed with me that things needed to be revamped in our department. So he worked for a couple of weeks on that and came up with three new jobs. And he offered me my choice. But I stuck to my guns and said thanks, but no thanks.

Accounting, Online Traffic or Administrative Assistant. After dreaming about grad school, starting my own business and maybe even putting together my own magazine all of those seemed…so normal. So, pedantic. And, none of the jobs were exactly me.

In fact, that’s been what’s wrong with this job for the last two years. It just isn’t completely aligned with my skills. For example, I’m responsible for a lot of billing and accounting issues. Now, it’s not that I can’t do math when needed. But I’m totally that girl who somehow got the answers right on my algebra answers when all of the work was nonsense.

I’m like the opposite of an accountant. Like matter and anti-matter. Put me and accounting together and we both wind up obliterated.

If you know me, you know its true.

So even though I can figure stuff out and get the right answer in the end, accounting requires your work to be spot-on and look like everyone else’s homework. You have to go through each step in the right order and document each step thoroughly (and painstakingly…emphasis on the pain).

To me this seems like an awful thing to have to do and people who do it should be paid millions of dollars because I can’t fathom it being fun in any way. And then I talked to my mom. She is very empathetic, but she totally doesn’t understand. She thinks this job sounds fun! But, see, she processes loans for a living. So maybe it’s more fun than processing loans.

But for me it is about the most stressful thing I can imagine doing. It seems like far too much responsibility for my pay level and there is no element of fun to it — aside from the sweet relief that is provided by the end of the day when I am released back to my home.

Anyway, the job I took in 2009 was supposed to be as a marketing assistant. But it somehow morphed into about three jobs, including one as an accountant, and I can’t hang any more. I’ve told my boss many times that my skill set and the demands of the position don’t jibe, but the truth is he just needs someone to do it and I’m the only person even closely capable who is available.

Well, shit.

Of course, he’s been sweet about it and he likes me and he sees that I’m talented so he wants me on his team, but the truth is, if there was an ad in the paper for this job I wouldn’t think twice about applying for it. And if, for some insane reason, I did apply for it, I doubt my resume would get a second look, let alone make it to the interview pile.

So, I quit. And it was more official — but still kind of a secret — a few weeks ago when my boss placed an ad for my job in the paper. But really, only two people noticed the ad.

And then last week we started working on the terms of my future contract jobs. So, a little more official. But I still didn’t know if I was allowed to tell anyone because he had asked me back in July to keep it on the DL.

But yesterday the cat came completely out of the bag during the department’s sales meeting.

Which is funny because I wasn’t in the meeting. And my boss mentioned it like it was no big deal because for some reason he thought everyone knew already.

I actually heard the gasp from the conference room here at my desk as I was printing out sales flyers. Isn’t that sweet?

I will miss the people. I love working with (most of) them. But even though it still hasn’t hit home for me completely that I won’t be here starting in Oct. I can’t imagine staying in this job. This company, sure. This team, definitely. But this job…it’s like getting stabbed in the brain over and over and over again. And, did I mention that I really was never trained to do any of the accounting stuff? Thanks right I also had to figure it out as I went along!

One of the most bittersweet elements of the whole thing now is that the last few weeks have been amazing. I got to help plan a seminar and design all the flyers and ads and such for it. I also got to help the Publisher with some community awareness campaigns and we’re adding some exciting new products.

I wish there really was room for…or even just a budget for…a marketing assistant. Or a marketing specialist. I want to get paid for all of my ideas and creations and I want to be listened to and taken seriously. But for now, that isn’t going to be happening here. That’s why I have to go out on my own.

I’m striking out and starting my own business. Now that the cat is out of the bag I will be talking about it a lot. But for now I’m tired. This post is already crazy long and I have to get back to work — while I still have this job. Thank you all for enduring my silence over the past few months. It has been a result of the secrecy and the fact that I’m working two jobs while trying to start my own business. But soon I’ll be working one job and starting on my own business. So maybe I’ll have more time to blog now — Maybe.

But in the meantime, it’s official: I quit. What do you think about that?