Ugh, I hope it’s just PMS

Anxious, sad, angry, nervous, tired, wired, cranky…

Obviously something is going on. I try to get it out by talking to friends, meditating a bit and now writing (I probably should have tried writing sooner, but you can’t sit down to write while you’re slinging seafood).

I’m freaking out a little bit. My brain keeps circling one topic — the way water circles a drain — and it won’t stop. I’ve looked at it from a multitude of angles and thought of as many solutions as I can, but my brain just won’t put the stupid thing down. Why can’t I concentrate on anything else?

Something that won’t make me anxious…something that will allow me to fall asleep…something that doesn’t make me clench my teeth?

And, maybe the worst part of all this: it isn’t an unfamiliar feeling.

I get like this sometimes. If you have read my blog for a couple of years you may remember a few posts about it from the past.I don’t know what causes the feeling. In the past I usually blamed the “high stress” situations at my job. But really, were they that stressful?

And if it was stress, why am I stressing out so much about this one thing?

Okay, it is about work. And money. And it involves my biggest client at the moment. So there’s that.

I don’t want to think about this so much in a negative way and turn it into something worse than it is because of all the concentrated negative energy — BLAST IT! And the next meeting isn’t until Monday afternoon. If I am thinking about this, like this for the next three days I may just go insane.

Please, God, take this out of my brain. Give me a sweeter drain to circle. Like the class I’m taking to creating love in my life. Or the writing class I’m going to be teaching in March. Or getting my apartment clean. Or even just work while I’m there for the next two days. Something I can actually do something about…sheesh.

A couple of months ago it occurred to me that every now and then I have a few really awful days and then I’ll get my period and think, “Oh, maybe it was just PMS.” And I realized that during the awful days it almost never occurs to me that it might just be PMS. So I resolved to remember that and see if realizing that it might be a common female occurrence could help a little bit.

Well, I remembered. And I really do hope this is just PMS (so that I can feel better without much effort in a few days). But, sadly, realizing it might be PMS doesn’t really help at the moment.

Blast!