If a Tree…

When I feel lonely, when I’m beating myself up about wanting to be a part of a couple instead of single, I usually find myself — like I did this afternoon, while sitting on the edge of my bed staring at the floor — thinking of the tree.

You know the tree. The one in that saying, “If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?”

The question is meant to be a philosophical pursuit of our ideas about observation and reality. I suppose the two sides of the question are whether we can trust as reality anything that we do not directly experience; or it is meant to push a person to admit that their perceptions, if based purely on their observations, cannot be full of truth.

Or maybe the tree just doesn’t exist if no one is there to hear it — observe it as a reality — witness its last movement in the universe.

Well, lately, I’m the tree. And I’m tired of it. And it does make a sound, dammit.

But, and this is the part that makes my stomach hurt, does it matter if no one is around to give a shit?

I want a lot of things out of my life and relationships. But at this point, most of all, I think I just want my experiences to be witnessed. I want to be a part of the collective reality. It all means more if someone sees it happen.

Sees me happen.

And I am happening, whether you hear it or not.

Right?