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Where Have All My Girlfriends Gone?

April 22, 2015

sad-woman-silhouette…or even guy friends for that matter?

I have been working really hard for the past few years and a lot of my friendships have fallen away.

And a lot of them didn’t get to come back to life this past year because, between Rick, my family and my first year as a teacher, I didn’t make room for them.

Rick was my best friend this last year. That’s really the way I like it. I want to be best friends with my significant other. In fact, he was one of the few people outside my family that I spent much time with. It’s not like I was turning down social engagements left and right in order to hang out with him…that’s not how I roll. (Although, I did skip church on weeknights quite a bit to be with him.)

And honestly, being a first year teacher, I probably wouldn’t have seen much of anyone — besides my family — if he hadn’t been coming over to my house. ‘Cause no one else was coming over to my house, and I sure as heck didn’t have the energy or the time to go much of anywhere.

And last year (2013-2014), well I was in graduate school.

And the year(s) before that (2011-13), I was a working waitress. Which means that I worked most of the times that my friends were playing.

And the year before that (2011-2012) I was working two jobs to make enough money to pay off credit card debut and save up to start my own business.

Oh yeah, and then I started my own business in there somewhere too. And ran it.

So, for the last four or five years, my friendships have not been as deep as I might like. And I haven’t been spending as much time with my friends as I would like. And honestly, I had myself busy enough that for the most part I didn’t even notice.

I am lucky enough to have a couple of great friends living in the same apartment complex as me. (You rock, Dee, Cameo and Lauren — and now Annalise.) Without them I know for a fact I would not have been able to make it through the past few years. It would have been lonely-city for Crystal. And probably depressed-city too.

I can imagine slipping slowly into a lonely depression fueled by ice cream and bad TV that would have led me to start getting the proverbial lonely-woman cat companions. And I hate cats. Well, I don’t love them. And I’m allergic to them.

But I’m not even completely happy with those friendships, because I would like to be closer to those ladies as well.

And there is a  deeper truth surrounding all of this too. Honestly, I think I have been a little scared to make new friends. I had a few weird friend things happen over the previous years that have made me a little gun-shy.

For a long time, I was investing in people who would ultimately leave. This goes as far back as 2005 when I was working at the Air Force base nearby. I’d get close to people, learn all their stories, meet their families, come to love them and spend a lot of time with them, and then they would get deployed or reassigned.

Suddenly, I’m alone on Friday nights and I have no one close to me. And, unfortunately, I have been awful at keeping up with long distance relationships. (BTW I miss you Kim.)

But the Air Force kiddos were not the only ones who left. A long list of them got married and then moved away. Or moved away and then got married. Or had babies and fell off the face of the earth. Or I started a friendship and it never quite materialized. That has happened a lot — I think because of how busy I have been in the past few years.

So, I maybe have developed some fears of, I don’t know, abandonment?

This gets even more tricky because, around 2009, I had a major life change. Or that’s when the change started. I’ve moved past the religion I was raised in. And as I’ve written in this blog, I’m not just Christian anymore. I’m really loathe to hang out with my Christian friends because I don’t want them to try to convert me. The truth is, I’ve been converted.

So that cut a lot of people out of the mix too.

I guess what I’m saying is that I feel lonely without Rick around, and I’m not sure what to do about it. I want to really connect with other people on a deep level, but I’m not sure how to do that. At the very least, I’m out of practice. And how do adults make new friends? I think I’ll leave this here for now and write a post about that for tomorrow.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. April 24, 2015 5:46 am

    I have a similar challenge when seeking someone to spend time with during the time I’m available to do so. It’s rare that people my age willingly awaken at 5 am every day, and that’s when I feel best…the first few hours of the day. I’m rested and doing some of the things I love most: drinking coffee and talking.

    I have fond memories of this from my early adult years, because I lived with (or near) my parents. They both were early risers and loved coffee as much as I do. So now I drink my coffee and talk on the telephone, because well….aside from Wal-Mart or a few places to eat out, there isn’t much open at that time. (And my coffee is better than anything I have found at Perkins) 🙂

    I’ve come to enjoy these early morning hours. I think I even posted a blog about them a few years ago. Hmmm….perhaps I should consider writing more and talking a little less!

    I believe that when we put that energy out there (and when I say we, I mean: me) 😉 It begins its natural flow to us/me! Since you’re already doing THIS and BEing YOU; I’m sure your dance ticket will be overflowing very quickly! Until then…I believe that all any of us (as human beings) need to do, is to glean all the gifts that can possibly be squeezed out of the respite time.

    Liked by 1 person

    • April 24, 2015 7:09 am

      It’s true that I need a bit of rest after the way things unfolded with “Rick.” Some recovery time. And I’m working on it. I was actually alone the whole evening last night and I coped pretty well. Although I was on Facebook for most of the night. Not sure if that is a positive or negative turn in all of this. 🙂


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