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So…are you gonna “do it?”

April 21, 2014

06172010 What The

So, something my readers may not know is that despite my issues with the idea of withholding sex in order to find love (which you can read about here:, I did decide a few years ago that I was going to hold off on the sexy stuff for a while. My basic idea was that I didn’t want to have any more anonymous sex, or sex that was just for fun. (Despite the fact that is it very fun.)

So I didn’t make a hard-and-fast rule for myself about when it would and when it wouldn’t be okay to have sex. But I did sort of have it in my mind that I didn’t really want to have sex again until it was special – and with someone special. It’s kinda complicated actually. And I haven’t really put it into words until now. But I guess I decided that I was tired of guys wanting JUST sex from me, and that they wouldn’t get sex from me unless they also wanted all the other great stuff about me. (Or at least some of the other great stuff about me.)

I’ve considered giving in for a few hot thrills over the past few years. I even gave in a couple of times. But each time I considered giving in (and both of the times I did give in), it really reinforced my original decision. It reminded me that I wanted all of the things sex could offer. Not just the physical thrill, but the mental, emotional and spiritual bits too.

Plus, much like the average woman, I have some broken things surrounding sex in my heart, mind and past. And I wanted to be able to work through some of those things.

It’s been a good decision.

But I made a mistake. I haven’t really worked through much. And honestly, at this point, I’m not sure what I can work through on my own. It’s becoming clear that there is more work to do than I had realized and that the only staging ground for such work may be a safe, stable, sexual relationship.

But I have to say, it feels like a lot to launch on a guy. “Hey, my emotions about sexy stuff is broken. Wanna work through it with me?”

It feels unfair.


I wonder what I’ll do.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. beccamec permalink
    April 21, 2014 5:17 pm

    This is powerful! I completely agree with you and respect your patience. Sex can be dangerous to the heart and soul.


    • April 21, 2014 5:31 pm

      I’m not concerned about danger, per se. I’m just trying to get to a higher level with all of it and it’s going to require dealing with some tough stuff along the way. And that will take a special guy.


      • beccamec permalink
        April 21, 2014 5:35 pm

        Its definitely worth waiting for, once you get that special guy. I think what your doing is very empowering to women.


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